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Tim: I'm tellin' ya, if you see one movie this year, it's gotta be this one.
Tim: Sorry guys, I can't give great reviews to every movie I see. This one's only getting three bags of popcorn.
Tim: I don't know what movies to see this weekend, well we're here to help.
Tim: It's On Cinema at the Cinema with me, your host, Tim Heidecker.
Tim: Hi everybody, my name is Tim Heidecker. I am the host of On Cinema @ The Cinema. This is my show where we talk about movies and review them. And before we get into the reviews today, I wanna apologize for my behavior last week. And it's just unacceptable for me to say I didn't see these movies. The truth is I did see them. And I was under a lot of stress and pressure with my health and personal life. But I can assure you that I've got some good news about my health, that I'm in good shape. And personal life's a different story, but I wanna apologize to you, the audience, and also to my guest today, Gregg Turkington.
Gregg: No apology necessary, it's just fun to be here and be part of the On Cinema Family.
Tim: Well, I feel like I put you in a weird spot last week and I apologize.
Gregg: I was glad I could cover 'cause I had seen the movies and liked them both quite a bit.
Tim: Okay. Well, speaking of which, your project where you're doing your Guinness Book World Records is still raging, I heard.
Gregg: It's looking pretty good. It looks like I'm gonna be the newest entry in the Guinness Book World Records.
Tim: Gregg's competing to be in the Guinness Book World Records for watching 500 movies in 500 days.
Gregg: Well, I'm not competing against anyone. We sort of looked in the book and no one else had done this, so I thought it was something to try. We're 15 days in and I've watched 19 movies. So I'm four ahead. I just have to get to 500 and 500 days and then submit my form and then I'm in the book.
Tim: All right, well, everybody--
Gregg: A part of history.
Tim: Yeah, everybody show Gregg his support and I'm showing you my support. There's anything I could do, let me know. Today's-
Gregg: Come to some of the movies with me.
Tim: I'd like to 'cause we actually had a date- I don't wanna say a date, we could call it, what are they called now, Bromance. Where Gregg and I went and had dinner together, it was really nice and we saw a movie and I think if you're not doing anything tonight, I'm gonna-
Gergg. I am doing something. I was gonna go watch the Indiana Jones Trilogy on the big screen. Take care of three movies, that'll really put me ahead. So you should come along.
Tim: I don't wanna see three movies tonight, but-
Gregg: Skip the first one, come for the second two and it could be fun.
Tim: Yeah, what time's the movie at?
Gregg: First one's at 6:30.
Tim: Carrabas at 5:30?
Gregg: 4:45? 'Cause they're kinda slow...
Tim: Okay, Kick-Ass 2, starring Jim Carrey, another great Jim Carrey performance. Choey Chlo- Ch- god... Chloe Grace Mortez, Alan Taylor Johnson and Christopher Mintz Place, made up names. The costumed high school hero Kick-Ass joins a small group of normal citizens who have been inspired to fight crime. The Red Mist plots as an active revenge that will affect everyone kick ass knows. I went to see this and at the end of the movie I stood up and I said thank you Jim Carrey.
Gregg: Always thank you Jim Carrey.
Tim: Now I gotta tell you something, I did not see the first Kick-Ass, so I walked into kiss- Kick-Ass 2 lost and completely confused, I didn't know what was going on. Completely disoriented and I still loved the movie.
Gregg: I love the movie, I feel bad for Jim Carrey because I feel that an opportunity was lost. When you call a movie a controversial name like Kick-Ass, you're gonna lose half the audience segment right away. If they'd called it Kick-It and Kick-It 2, people will be more likely to take their kids to it and I think you do. 
Tim: Kick-Butt.
Gregg: Even that, I think you wanna have something that grandparents feel good about taking the kids to and I think Kick-Ass is a great movie but a bad title.
Tim: I just thought of a brainstorm idea if Jim Carrey's watching. If he could do a movie called Kiss-Ass and he would be the teacher's pet.
Gregg: That could be funny.
Tim: Brown-noser type movie where he's the, perhaps he's the star student. But you'd have to be an older student so it'd be a back to school kind of scenario and I think that would be a lot of fun and I'd love to see that movie. So if anybody's writing that movie, let me know, I'd love to be in it too.
Gregg: That would be wild.
Tim: All right, our next movie is Parano- let's fucking skipped this movie.
Gregg: How mu- wait, did you rate it?
Tim: I'm giving Kick-Ass 2 one bag of... one soda and five bags of popcorn. So five bags of popcorn and one soda. Very disorienting film but then I went back and watched Kick-Ass 1 and loved it. So I got caught up with the way I understand the movie. So how much do you give it?
Gregg: I'm gonna give the movie five bags of popcorn and I'm gonna give the title zero bags of popcorn because I think with a better title you'd have more of an audience.
Tim: Alright, let's do a new segment, not a new segment, old segment called On Cinema On Location and we did one last week and people loved it so what do you got for us this week?
Gregg: This one's even better. This week, let's just say I've gone to San Francisco to settle an argument.
Tim:Okay show the thing.
*On Cinema On Location music*
Gregg: Hollywood, California. Every street has a story, and these are but just a few on On Cinema On Location.
Tim: Hey guys, we're here at the site of San Francisco's famous Star Trek II filming location.If you've ever seen Star Trek II, you will see Spock and Captain Kirk standing right here, in Star Trek II, in front of this backdrop. And we have come here to prove once and for all that the film Star Trek II was shot right here in San Francisco. Here's your photographic proof, Tim Heidecker.
*music*
Tim: Are you joking? Are you kidding me? Well that didn't prove anything.
Gregg: Yeah it did because we had the footage.
Tim: No, it didn't prove anything Gregg.
Gregg: We had the footage and we had the still.
Tim: Yes, you had footage from Star Trek IV and you just said it was Star Trek II. It was Star Trek IV.
Gregg: No I had footage-
Tim: Shut up for a second let me show you something- 
Gregg: I had footage from the street of San Francisco. 
Tim: This is given to me by one of you guys out there- Shut up!
Gregg: I didn't have footage from Star Trek II, you can't use the footage.
Tim: This is given to me by a fan out there sent it to me, thank you very much. This is the novelization of Star Trek IV, The Voyage Home. Okay, this is a novel by Vonda Mc- This is this will settle the deal, listen to this: "...but their trip is interrupted by the appearance of mysterious all-powerful intruder, suddenly Kirk, Spock, and the rest of the crew must journey back through time to 20th century Earth for that, only there can they save the future by rescuing the past." And they have San Francisco right on the-
Gregg: It's not an official book.
Tim: It is official book, it's a story by Leonard Nimoy and Harve Bennett. So I mean-
Gregg: Leonard Nimoy's made a whole career of doing things that kind of relate to Star Trek. It doesn't mean it's the official story.
Tim: This is the official novelization, a novel based on Paramount Pictures's Supreme Space Adventure Star Trek IV.
Gregg: Exactly, based on this adventure of the whole Star Trek series.
Tim: It's the general story. It's where they go back to San Francisco. It's not that hard to explain!
Gregg: No, because it's, have you seen The Hobbit?
Tim: This is the- this is the building!
Gregg: Because they're making three movies of The Hobbit but it's only one book. This book compiles the first four Star Trek movies, the plots, and combines them into one book. Just as The Hobbit book combines the three movies.
Tim: No, it says Star Trek IV right here! Not all the Star Trek movies are in this book 'cause then it would just be, say, Star Trek, all the movies, and it would be much longer than this!
Gregg: I could buy a book about the history of the Jefferson airplane and it would mention San Francisco but that doesn't mean that's the basis of the Star Trek movie.
Tim: That's what this is, The Voyage Home. They go back to Earth and are in San Francisco. I can't do it anymore. I can't listen to this bullshit for you. Hey!
Gregg: That book is a compilation of the first four Star Trek movies into one book.
Tim: "Chief Medical Officer Christine Chappell stood in the midst of the chaos of Starfleet's command major mission room. Huge curved windows presented by 180 degree views of-" let me hear it: "San Francisco."
Greg: Okay, what page is that? What page is that?
Tim: 59.
Gregg: Okay, that proves my point. If it's that early in the book, it's because of the second movie when you take Star Trek-
Tim: Are you fucking kidding me? No.
Gregg: Star Trek II, the San Francisco movie, is gonna be pretty early in the book. It's gonna be somewhere around page 59.
Tim: This is Star Trek IV. It's all this book is.
Gregg: No, they're telling you that all four movies are in one book, Star Trek 4, the four original movies. It's an interesting book. It's not as full of detail as the four movies are. You can't compress four movies into a book and have it really cover as much ground. So I would say the book I give two bags of popcorn, but Star Trek II, which is set in San Francisco, I give five bags of popcorn, it's a Popcorn Classic.
Tim: Alright, well listen, I have enjoyed having you on as a guest.
Gregg: Well, it's been good to be here and to settle this argument once and for all. So-
Tim: Okay, you're right. You're right.
Gregg: I know.
Tim: Okay, and thank you very much for being a part of this-
Gregg: Yeah, no, I'm glad that we settled the argument because a lot of people have been confused and renting the wrong Star Trek-
Tim: Shut up. Shut up! Thank you for being a part of the show. And I honestly do not think that it's a good match to have you on the show anymore. I think it's- uh, there's too much conflict here and I can't have this much conflict in my life right now. So I will need to make an adjustment with my guests and I appreciate everything you've done for the show, all the segments you've produced, and I just don't think it's gonna work out anymore. So all the best and guys, we will re-jigger things here and figure out a new guest for next week, but Gregg Turkington's no longer part of the show. So thanks for watching and I will see you next week. I'm really sorry. Kill the lights.
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Tim: I'm very sorry, but I can't do this. I can't do it.

Transcribed by oddreflection
